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As a woman in my forties, balancing motherhood, career, and relationships, I've realized how much of my life has been shaped by the beliefs and values I absorbed during childhood. In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz writes, "We never had the opportunity to choose what to believe or what not to believe. We never chose even the smallest of these agreements. We didn’t even choose our own name." That quote hit me hard. So much of what we believe was handed to us—by our families, schools, and society—without our conscious choice. At some point, we all need to step back and evaluate: Do our beliefs still serve us? Do they truly align with who we are now? For me, this process of reflection has been key to becoming more intentional in how I communicate and connect with others. Here’s how each of the four agreements has guided me on this path.
First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word
For me, being impeccable with my word is not just about honesty, it’s about aligning my words with my actions and who I am. Whether I’m parenting my kids or working with our team at Studio EightyEight, I want my words to carry weight and meaning. They are a reflection of my truest self, and I aim for them to always be in line with what I believe. As a mother, this agreement reminds me to communicate with compassion and care, choosing words that empower my children rather than tear them down. At work, it means showing up with clarity and consistency, making sure that what I say is always backed by integrity.
Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
As a mother of teenagers, this agreement has saved my sanity more times than I can count! When my teens are moody or upset, it’s easy to let their tone or remarks hurt me. But Ruiz’s teaching reminds me that their emotions and actions are about them, not me. This has helped me step back, breathe, and respond with calm understanding instead of reacting defensively. It’s allowed me to stay emotionally grounded and offer more support, knowing that their moods are a reflection of their internal world—not a reflection of my worth as a mom.
Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
I’ll never forget my high school choir teacher’s weekly reminder: “When you ‘assume,’ you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘you and me.’” He was right. Making assumptions, especially in professional environments, can cripple projects and lead to confusion. Assumptions in personal relationships can be just as damaging. It’s easy to think we know what’s going on in someone else’s mind or life, but that kind of presumption leads to misunderstandings. Instead, I’ve learned to lead with empathy, ask questions, and seek clarity. This approach has transformed how I relate to people, bringing more openness and understanding into every conversation.
Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best
This agreement is a constant reminder to show up fully, whether I’m with my family or leading our team. For me, doing my best means striving for excellence while taking action. It’s not about perfection, but about bringing my full self to every task, knowing that my best will vary day to day. This mindset helps me move forward with confidence, allowing room for both growth and grace. It’s a value that fuels both my personal and professional life, giving me the freedom to pursue my goals with passion while staying true to who I am.
Each of The Four Agreements has reshaped how I communicate and connect. By consciously choosing beliefs that align with who I am now, I’ve found more peace, empathy, and authenticity in all areas of my life.